Valentine Adventure

Sigh....Valentine's Day.  It's one of the holidays where most people seem to be in full-tilt or completely against it.  In either case, most people still just somehow acknowledge the day and allow others to feel however it is that they feel.

Personally, I'm on the fence.  Yeah, I think that it's a commercialized money making holiday and a day that can make you feel like a POS if you don't have someone doting on you, but it is a reminder to slow down and think of others.  I don't think it has to be all about romantic love. I can just be a reason to reach out and be sweet.  I don't have any expectations and as always, I love giving more than receiving but this Valentine's Day was one to keep in my heart always.

I got up and made G a cup of tea and left some cranberry-orange bread and a chocolate-covered strawberry on the table.  Beside that was a new friend, now named Harriet. She's a stuffed owl with dangly striped legs that is exceptionally good at sitting at the edge of a table or on the sill of a window.

Once we got ready, we started our girly, heart day adventure.  Stop one was a glass making studio where we have blown our own Christmas ornaments before and found some wonderful gifts.  It is always a treat to wander and see the newest pieces but today G got to choose a necklace.  It is a simple chain with silver dragonfly pendant.  It has green glass heart-shaped wings.

Since we got going a bit later than we wanted to, it was already lunch time when we were done there so we decided to have lunch at our favorite Thai place before our next destination.  From our window seat, we got to look at the art on the building across the street and enjoy the bright daylight even though it was bitter cold on the other side of the glass.

The other day I was trying to think of something fun to do inside that both of us would enjoy. I don't know what made me think to bring her to the museum but it was hands down one of the best things ever.  I don't profess to know or understand all art but I do appreciate it.  Knowing that she had never been formally introduced to art, I wanted her to just take it in.  No preconceived idea and none of my opinions.

We wandered through with her just commenting at first and then starting to question.

"what is that supposed to be?"  to which I answered, "what do you see?"

That went on for a bit as she started not just seeing the raw materials but a 10,000 foot view, being able to find what she wanted to see.  At one point, at a piece I personally wasn't moved by, I asked her what she saw and she said, " Nothing".  Another installation of various neutral piece had her saying, " Is this just a bunch of white things?"  It had me laughing because so many adults WANT to say that but won't.

Another is a room with large gray glass panels that look like huge flat screen T.V.s.  The first time I saw it, I didn't get it but now I like it. I explained to her that not one other person will ever see the same thing ever again.  It's reflective so you pick up who or whatever else is in the room.  It's a room of flat, sterile glass but it has life because of what is going on around it.Something about that contrast draws me in.  I could sit there for hours.

Then we got to the metal sculptures. I see personalities in each one.  Plus the room they are in.....wow.  The light and windows, brick and flooring.......heaven.

 She started looking at them at angles different than someone two feet taller.  

We found faces.

And sea life

 and bouquets of flowers.

 

 

 

She loved the broken glass.  So blue-green and angular.

 Then this......one of my very faves.  So daunting and powerful but soft and curvaceous.  She was afraid if she walked around it, it may tip over but once she made her first trip, she kept looping it looking at the details and falling in love the way I did one day, and continue to even now.

Lastly, the rock she said was bigger than any rock she had ever seen. That's a bunch of hooey since we go hiking on rocks much larger, but inside, encased in the wall with a bench where we sat staring for quite some time, picking out all of the formations we saw just as one would looking at the clouds, I understood the magnitude of it.

There wasn't one moment where she asked to leave or said she was bored.  Instead, she asked when we could visit again and that made my heart so very happy.

Tables

When you think of a table so many things come to mind.  An accent table for a lamp or a place to drop your keys as you walk in the door.  A coffee table, which can be a collect-all for remotes and magazines or a clean surface for a displayed treasure or an end table with a candy dish holding a simple treat that will stick in someone's memory forever.

Having my own Little and my own life's battle scars I find myself recognizing and remembering how big some of the little things are.  Like the tables.  Each one serves a different purpose and to each of us, we hold varying attachments.  For me a candy dish on my parent's table is an homage to my grandmother, the neighborhood candy lady.  She had a large tupperware container filled to the brim with assorted candy by the front door for when the neighborhood kids stopped by.  Around her Living Room were many more vessels each holding a surprise under the lid.  Each visit I would peek underneath to see if it was a hard candy or chocolate and then ask if I could have one of the best I'd found that trip.

I think back to that house and remember the kitchen table with the big wall-mounted radio where I would find my grandfather with his coffee and cigarettes, newspaper and coffee no matter how early I woke up.  The Dining Room table where I ate way too many bologna and cheese sandwiches and stared at the hutch filled with perfume bottles dressed as Avon figurines.

Tables, and varying degrees of, are where we gather and make memories.  Dinner with family, coffee with a friend or a place to rest your glass when catching up with someone you haven't seen in too long.

A childhood friend shared a few years ago that she had always been envious of me as a child knowing I had pizza night on Saturdays.  We would drink root beer and eat pizza and while for me, that was just what we did, she didn't know that simple luxury.  As an adult with a family of her own, she has made it a point to eat dinner together when their schedules allow.  It's important- that time at the table.  Even in silence, celebration, or perhaps argument, you are sharing and learning about the ones you are surrounded by.

For a long time I made a point of sitting down to eat.  No television; maybe some music, food and the people that meant the most.  And then I allowed life to get in the way.  Schedules, work, meetings, errands.... they can invade your life if you aren't careful.  I found myself doing ten tasks while my daughter sat in the other room (at the table of course) eating alone.  Technically, I was talking with her and she wasn't alone but too many days of her asking me to stop and "sit with her" made an impression.

We have gone for a while without that table.  We started eating together more but in front of the TV as we rush to finish so we can get to bed or get homework done but this week we got back to the table.  Together.

I cook and make lunch for the next day as she sits closer to me now doing her homework.  When she is done, we eat together and talk. About anything.  Silly things, Sad things, worrisome things and most of all, REAL things.  She sometimes brings me to tears and sometimes has me in stitches but that table......it wouldn't be the same without it.

Adjust your sails

I'm a planner.  I like to know ahead of time what is on my plate so I can make sure I get to all of it.  I need to balance everything. I struggle with the planning though.  My mind likes to know what is next.  I prepare and organize things so the order of events works best in terms of time and logistics.  When a wrench gets thrown into the plans, sometimes I freak a bit  (.....well more than a bit but lets go with 'a bit').

I am trying so very hard to not be that way.  To go with the flow a bit more. I know that some of my favorite days and memories were unplanned.  I am learning that life isn't always about sticking to the plan.  I try to make sure the musts get done and then the wants but where I want them in a specific order, I'm finding that the world won't end if I switch it up.

This weekend, for example.  I had a pretty good idea of what my Saturday would bring.  I was going to start the day by getting in a much needed, much desired workout.  After, I would meet up with a friend.  The friend part was the unknown.  No plans or time just a general idea and a "hey let's meet up".  I had spend the early morning doing the have-tos.  Cleaning, laundry and packing my gym bag with a change of clothes so I could meet up right after the gym if I didn't have time to go home first.  Out the door I went, just to be stopped by a text that they would be available early.  After I processed that, I thought, ok...... I will just get ready now,  meet up and hit the gym later.   I could have just gone to the gym and pushed them off but I knew I would be rushed and in the end, it would be a terrible afternoon because I would have felt stressed and would have been resentful. 

I got ready and was on my way when I realized that the gym may not happen.  While I was bummed and frustrated, I wasn't angry with my friend.  I stopped and regrouped. Yes, the gym is important.  I hadn't been there in a few days and I mentally and physically needed to get there.  You know how dogs get when they haven't played or gone for a walk?  That was me.....four days worth of it and a race season just over the horizon.  But I hadn't seen my friend in a long time.  I didn't know when we would have time to meet up again.  At that point, I was just flying by the seat of my pants.

I am so very grateful that my mind allowed me to process all of that in that fashion.  I just decided that my friend was more important than the stress of no workout and I was free.  Even if the day went to shit, I was ok with my choice. I was calm and relaxed.  I got to soak in that precious time catching up and I was all in.  No phone, no clock and fully engaged in our talks.  Had I let the planner in me rule the day I would have missed out on so much goodness.

Sunday was more of the same.  The plan was simpler but I thought I may squeeze in some extra things so it could quickly become a full day.  I was dressed for the gym and grabbed the grocery list.  As I hit the road, I quickly realized I would be changing my plans.  Everything was coated in ice.  The rain was freezing as it hit my windshield and a trip to work out could be disastrous.  I flipped my schedule around.  Groceries first, then much of the day doing food prep for the week as I hoped the temps would rise and the roads would clear.   By the afternoon, I was able to get in my workout and realize that I still got everything done- just in a different order.  My acceptance of this was what allowed the day to go well even against the plan.

So, I take all of this into consideration when sharing this story.  I had just gotten to the grocery store and while the carts were under a canopy, they were still all wet and icy.  There wasn't one that wasn't.  As I went to get one, there was a boy I would guess to be 12 doing the same.  I commented that there was no other option as we each grabbed one and went inside.  I heard his mother berating him.  Telling him that he never tries, just settles and that he should have tried harder for a dry cart. How was she expected to shop with a wet cart? His siblings stood there silently.  The dad took the wet cart and exchanged it for a dry one that he had to have gotten from someone that had just left the store.  As he returned, the mother pointed out to the boy that his father was able to get a cart so why couldn't he?

I wanted to cry.  I wanted to hug that boy and yell at the mom.  I was there.  There were no options when we were outside and he did what he could. I bit my tongue. It wasn't my place. And I know you are thinking that maybe it was just a bad day for the mom or that I am making more of this than I should but watching all of it unfold from the outside,  just witnessing this exchange, I know this was just standard operating procedure for this family. 

I hurt for the mom because she was clearly stressed but I hurt for the boy and his siblings.  I have been her.  I may be her again.  While this anger is her issue, not theirs, they still have to live with it.  It affects their days.  It changes their perspective on what is appropriate.  As parents we want our children to have manners and treat others with respect but how can they if our example shows them something different?

I mess up.  I yell.  I get frustrated.  But I recognize it and when I am wrong or my actions or words aren't justified, I can admit it. I can apologize. I hope that by doing that my child learns from that too. I hope I just missed that part today.  I hope that the mom got home and took the time to say she was sorry.  If anything good came out of that observation today, it's the reminder to me to appreciate every moment and to not let little things get in the way of the big picture.

Breathe

Feeling blessed beyond what I could have ever imagined. For a gal that has spent her life keeping things inside, this last year especially,  has been a revelation.

I've never been perfect or ever expected people to view me that way but I guess I did a good job of putting up that front.  I was encouraged by someone that knew the real me.... in every facet.  The joy, the worry, the fear, the strength and the doubt.  I started being more "me" than I ever had been.  I opened up to the ones I trusted and started forming even stronger relationships with everyone.  The friends I'd had for 20 years as well as the new friends I started gaining once I stopped worrying so much.

I can't begin to express how deeply I feel every bit of life these days.  For me as well as my friends, acquaintances and strangers.  My empathy is at an all time high and while I'm still the same old me, my patience and acceptance has grown.  I've said before that I started on this path when I became a mom but It continues to grow and encompass me.

No matter what we say, we all DO care what others think.  What we do with that knowledge is what sets us apart.

Maybe it's the Holiday Season that allows people to express themselves but for me, it doesn't matter.  The love I have received in the last 24 hours is a reminder of all of the other bits I have received throughout my life.  Every single experience has brought me to this point.  To who I am today.
From the girl that held my hand and said Merry Christmas - with her words and her eyes - when I shared some unused coupons last week to the friends that take time to call, text or show me that I matter to them-good and bad; I don't have the proper words to say thank you or to explain the feeling in my heart that you all bring.

We all have shit.  It breaks us, it humbles us but it brings us together.  It makes us approachable and human.  Don't broadcast it on social media but don't shy away from it.  Own it and share it as you see fit.  Allow others to see you aren't that glossy, magazine-perfect person, don't judge others, and I guarantee there will be a shift.  You will change and it will be good.

Spartan Citi Field Weekend

'Hey, you should run a Spartan Race, you will love it'......  How about two in one weekend?

 

I signed up for my first Spartan over the winter and them proceeded to count the days until I finally got close enough to taste it.  It was at that point that I started to get nervous.  Yes, I knew I would make it through but I was still a wreck.   I've run 5Ks but this included challenges and penalties.  I also had no idea who my competition would be. 

 

I was signed up for the 9:30 heat and spent an hour or so after getting settled watching the time. I saw others around me getting ready, watched the screen display real-time video of fellow runners attempting the obstacles and heard the clinking of medals as finishers walked by.   I was getting anxious.

 

I moved toward the starting line.  At this race, it was the ramp you would take along the outside of the ballpark to get to the other levels. We stood in line as they released a group each minute.  As I stood there watching the clock count down I was just pumped to get going.   From 'Aroo!!" for the next hour or so, I navigated my way through each obstacle.  Some with ease and some, I failed and got to do the standard 30 burpees. As I crossed the finish line, I just wanted to find out my time and figure out how I would race again.  I was relieved, relaxed and exhilarated all in one.

 

Saturday ..... Race 1

I was scheduled to volunteer on Sunday but decided to get there early to run again.  Crazy to some but to me, a necessity.  I already knew what to expect and I was going to do better, I just knew it.  Off and running, I already noticed a difference.  There were less people on Sunday and especially early in the day so I didn't have to fight my way through.  I was more relaxed and found myself enjoying the experience in a different way.  I crossed the finish line almost 8 minutes faster than I did on Saturday!

Sunday ..... Race 2



After running, I checked in for my volunteer shift. I got to man the rope climb and having run already, I knew that everyone needed encouragement as they approached.  They had already completed most of the race and now they visibly had the last three obstacles ahead of them. It was volunteering there that made my Spartan weekend complete.  I met awesome athletes, heard stories, witnessed injuries, tears and victories.  My heart was full.

 

There are so many other stories and lessons learned from this weekend but I don't know where to start.  I wanted to get these pics up and check in with everyone.  The next race is already scheduled and just around the corner.

CrossFit Open 2014

I'd only been taking CrossFit Classes for six weeks when I registered for the CrossFit Open.  Other than it being a worldwide competition that would show me where I stand against 200,000 others. I had no idea what to expect.  My start in CrossFit was to just jump in with both feet.   I have learned as I had to in order to complete a WOD ( workout of the day) and tried to spend some extra time working on  the lifting aspect.

My experience may be different than many.  I didn't plan this as a way to lose weight or get stronger.  I started because I was bored with my routine at the regular gym.  I was lonely and finding that I wasn't challenged any longer.  It was also winter and I couldn't even take a run outside to break up the monotony.  I'd already been told by others that I would love it, it was right up my alley, that I was the perfect candidate, etc.  Well, being told that is one thing, making the leap, quite another.

I contacted the box (aka- the CrossFit Gym) and was invited to try a free class.  I went slowly and did a few of the moves.  A couple days later, I completed my first WOD....all Kettlebells.... and kept up with the class.  One more day of working on a few basics and it was decided that I would just do the WODs as written.  Feeling ok about my place among my peers, I signed up for the Open.  THAT is where I really found out where I stood.

For the Open, we were given a workout each Thursday night and had until the following Monday to complete it while being judged. Here's how it went:

 

WEEK 1

Nothing like flying by the seat of your pants.  Do you even know what a Double-Under is? It's jumping rope but for each jump, the rope goes around twice. I couldn't do one, much less 30!  So, I practiced Fri., Sat. and Sun.  I was finally able to get some a few minutes before the judging.  I made it through three rounds plus 6 more DUs to get a score of 141.  Not a bad start for someone only 6 weeks in, huh?  I have to say, If it wasn't for me pulling the DUs out of my @ss, I would have likely been pretty down about this adventure but this showing got me pumped. I was able to perform under pressure.  Pretty freakin' awesome.

WEEK 2

This week was a doozie.  Overhead squats are tough for me and I was just learning the movements when this was announced.  Then they throw in C2B Pull-ups? Ha.  I attempted this twice but in the end scored 17.  That means I didn't make it past the first round but this was the point in the competition that I decided that the Open was my chance to find out what I didn't know.  I planned to keep showing up and noting my weaknesses so I could work to improve.  This was NOT going to mess with my head, it was going to drive me.

 

 WEEK 3

Ohhh!  I was so excited for this one!  Something I knew I could do.  And if I had some experience under my belt, I would have killed it but my lack of form, due to my excitement, as well as coming off  a week of not feeling 100% worked against me and I only posted 90 reps (three full rounds)

WEEK 4

Rowing?  Who can't row?  Ok.... I'll at least get 60.  Toes-to-bar?  Exactly what it sounds like.  Hang from the bar and lift your toes until they touch.  Now do this 50 times.  Or not.   I got 44 and never made it to wall balls.  I wanted to get to the cleans so I was frustrated by the end of this one.

WEEK 5

I wasn't panicked.  I knew that in the end, I just had to complete this.  There was no time cap so while I had to keep moving, I wouldn't get disqualified by not being able to do something.  There were only two options; Finish or give up.....hell no on the giving up!

I originally planned to complete this Saturday morning.  Our Coach had arranged for another box to visit and we would be able to complete this with them.  Sounds great on paper but I was still a bit intimidated.  I wanted to go before they arrived but that didn't work out so I threw my hat in the ring on the first heat.  It was a grueling workout and I didn't finish as quickly as I'd wanted to but I did finish in a decent time (22:09).

I was thrilled to be done and have the remainder of the day to relax.  I got to cheer on everyone else and feel what they were feeling as they worked their way through this toughie.  It was a long, exhausting day but I don't think the smile left my face once. Being surrounded by others that cheered for me and that love this sport as much as I do was incredibly inspiring.  I wouldn't change this experience one bit.

  

CFONY and CFMH after 14.5

Final Standings

North East Standings

 

Worldwide Standings

Note: When I looked at the Leaderboard, it seems that many people in this didn't post scores for at least one week.  Each week, you earn points based on your standing.  The lower the number, the better. The final standings show as a cumulative number of points so if you didn't post a score, of course you would have less points and will place higher.  So.... I probably placed higher than this but it's not a make or break at this point.   I will keep working and have high hopes for the next one.

New outlook, new friends and teammates.... I see this as success all around. 

Congrats to anyone that attempted this at any level in their CrossFit Experience.

"Rest" Day

 

 

 

 

The past few weeks have been a little more hectic than usual.  Competing in the CrossFit Open has kept me pretty busy.  I have been focusing on preparing for the week's WOD (assigned workout) and then being judged on the workout in order to submit my score.  I will write a post once it's done to fill you in on the experience but today, I finally took a few minutes to relax.  I did some errands but I also tried out a recipe from my newest cookbook, Against All Grain by Danielle Walker.

The recipes are great for those following the paleo diet but also for those of us that are just trying to eat cleaner.....even when it comes to dessert.

You can check out Danielle's story and some of her recipes here and I've posted some pictures for you of her Paleo 7 Layer Bars.  As delicious as the original and pretty to boot.

For the recipe, go here: AAG-7 layer bars

 

 

 

Drive

It happens when you are exhausted, have a list of to-dos a mile long and you still push to take advantage of every minute of every day.  When you put so much effort into experiencing as much as you can and make time for others as much as you make time for yourself. It's right then that you feel the truth of the saying, "Life is Short".

 

Sometimes it applies because you feel like there isn't enough time in the day.  Sometimes it's an excuse to do something you want to do in lieu of something you should do.  Other days, days like today, it's because in the midst of the busy that is you life, you are forced to stop and look that saying square in the eye and feel it's true meaning.  Things can change in an instant.  What/If/When you aren't here tomorrow?  Will you have accomplished something in your life?  Do people know what they meant to you?  Was there something you should have done but kept putting it off?

I'm coming off the high of achieving something I didn't think was possible and have been distracted by thoughts swirling in my head. Remember a few posts ago when I said I was trying out CrossFit? Well, that deserves it's own post to update y'all but bottom line?  I'm hooked. Only six weeks in and I'm already seeing a difference in my strength, mindset and body.  It's got me thinking about how I have arrived at this. Why didn't I do it earlier?  Maybe I wasn't ready but after kicking some butt this past week and feeling the love from some fellow CrossFitters I was reminded how good it feels to be a part of a team. 

For those that don't know this, I played soccer for most of my school years.  At the time, they didn't separate the girls and boys so as we got older and less girls played outside of the school team, I was lucky to adopt a team of brothers.  They picked on me  and told my dad everything I did when he wasn't around, just as a brother would, but they also rooted for me and knew I was capable of keeping up with them.  That team made me show up season after season to prove I belonged and it was probably the best thing that could have happened to me as a young girl.Those same guys showed up at my Varsity games to cheer for me and 20+ years later, I can still reach out to them if I need them. Even today, I relate more easily to guys and even my career has been in a male-dominated industry.  Pretty interesting.

All of this background is to share that everyone in my life has been integral to my development.  Each person has helped form the person I am.  I love that I have grown enough in the past few years that I am making time for these people, even when, on paper, I don't have time.  A friend from elementary school will be close by next week and I will make every effort to meet up.  A good friend gave birth to her second child today. Another friend wakes up daily to fight for her life.  I want to be there for all of them...... and it's not solely for me.   I want it for them.  So they know that they are important.  That they are worth making time for.

We are all blessed in different ways.  Embrace your blessings.  Revel in them.  Surely someone else is envious of you. It's ok... you're probably envious of them too.  But your heart... THAT, you have control of.  Let it drive you, but let it stop you in your tracks sometimes too.

 Live your life.  Make it full of goodness.

Heart Day- Part 2.....with a dash of snow

 

 

Her daddy won't be here for Valentine's Day but she wanted to make a gift he could bring with him.  Handmade card and cookies.  What Valentine's should be about; sharing from the heart. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The best part about the heart shape is that you get to eat the scraps

 

 



 

 

 

I wanted her day to be special too so I made a card for her, hung some garland and got her a small gift.  All week, I've been tucking Valentine-themed riddles in her lunch box.

 

 

 

 

Simple acts of love are noticed by her.  She gets a look of understanding that leads you to believe she has a lifetime of experience packed inside that tiny body.  I hope she always sees things this way.  That she never stops appreciating the smallest bits of goodness.

 

This morning we had coffee, made more cookies for my brother-in-law as a small thank you for plowing us out and went outside to look at the snow that Mother Nature gifted us this Valentine's Day.  I hope yours is a very special heart day too.

 

 

 

 

Finally a reason to wear my fuzzy hat

 

 

 

 

Snow swimming?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy (early) Heart Day

Remember how exciting Valentine's Day was when you were little?  You would have the pick the perfect cards that showed everyone what you were made of.  Cartoon characters, jokes, standard Valentine theme.  They would be small and only had a space for "To:" and "From:".  They came with tiny envelopes and you spent countless hours addressing them by following the class list; choosing the right card for each classmate and picking the very best for the people that were just a bit more special than the others, secretly hoping they would notice the extra effort.

When does it change?  When do you start despising the holiday and saying things like " It's a Hallmark Holiday" and "If you love someone, show them daily"?  Is it that you have had a really cruddy Valentine's Day or do you just get older, wiser and realize those statements have some truth to them?  That Hallmark is the original bully.  Making people feel worthless if they aren't shown affection on an otherwise regular day.  Next to all of those flowers and boxes of chocolates, there should be tissues and a bottle of booze so you can forget the blasted day.

So what do you do as a mom?  You let your child enjoy the magic.  You celebrate it in hopes that your kid will be one of the people that enjoys it.  You make sure that you aren't the cause of their distaste for Hallmark and the pressures it puts on our society.  You spend hours helping assemble cards and checking the class list to ensure that no child is forgotten.  You suggest that each child gets a small sheet of puffy stickers to adorn their notebooks and t-shirts and you let your heart fill as your sweetie fills each card with warm sentiments and signs it with love. 

Who knows, maybe .some of the magic will rub off on you.