winter is here

We had a white Christmas.....kind-of.  When we woke up, there was snow covering the ground but by mid-afternoon, most of it had gone away.  It was a blessing for those traveling and it made everyone feel Christmassy.

Our Christmas was pretty much what it usually is.  We said good-bye the Zeke on Christmas Eve and put out treats for Santa and the reindeer.  Stockings hung and all that good stuff.  We all went to bed but in the middle of the night when I got up for no particular reason, I was met by Giada in the hallway.  She excitedly told me that she thought Santa had just come because she heard the "woosh" of his sleigh as he left. How can you not catch the contagious excitement of a five-year-old at Christmas?  Without her, I would likely skip the holiday all together.

We opened our stockings, exchanged gifts and watched as Giada discovered the things that Santa had chosen just for her.  After our lazy morning, we got dressed to go to my parent's house for gift exchange #2, dinner and dessert with the rest of my family. It was a simple, happy holiday with the littlest family member at the center of attention....just as it should be.

I had offered to drive my grandparents back to Rhode Island so the next day, I picked them up early and after a lost wallet incident ( it was located 25 min later) we were on out way.  The trip went incredibly smoothly and we made the required stop for late breakfast at the diner before finishing the last leg of our trip.  Once I was sure they were settled in at home, I got right back on the road.  There was a storm slated to hit the Northeast and I wanted to avoid it if at all possible.  After being delayed in traffic and the storm moving a bit quicker than originally forecast, I got stuck smack in the middle of it.  My three and a half hour return trip turned into five and a half but I made it home safely and was happy to cuddle up on the couch after a day spent in the car.

The snow was mostly cleaned up by the following morning and getting to work was no problem, as long as you didn't drive like you were invincible.  Next up was a storm on Saturday.

I had planned to get up early to run some errands but I was just too tired to motivate and once I dragged myself out of bed, I found 15 things to keep me from getting showered and dressed.  Once I did and Giada and I got on the road, it was snowing was too hard to leave town.  We opted for grocery shopping and returning home.  It was the safest bet and we had nothing pressing to do.  We returned home to make dinner and play in the snow for a bit.  I don't like cold and I don't particularly like winter but fresh snow is undeniably beautiful.  Camera time!

It was a cozy day ending with comfies and bowls of chili to warm our insides. I was as inspired by my little pookie as much as I was by the snow and was reminded, once again,  that sometimes just going with the flow is better than any plans you can make.

After Hours

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you know how wild our elf, Zeke has been this year.  Remember that photo shoot with the Barbies? Well....I went to upload some pics the other day and found some additional footage.  I've included it for you below but please, if you are easily offended or the kiddos are in the room, don't look.  When I asked my sis recently why they don't make pants for Barbie, she said,
"It's because Barbie is a hoochie".  Guess she was right.

xo

I know I don't blog as regularly as others but I saw this on a blog I follow and thought it was worth sharing ~h

 

How many are you?

I get it.  I'm not in my 20's any longer.  Heck....I'm almost not in my 30's (yikes!) but In my head, I am forever in the 25 range.

In a way, things haven't changed.  I still feel like I'm trying to figure out which direction to go in and I feel like no matter what the choice, I will never get there.  Being older does have advantages that I never thought about until now.  I have life experience and the mindset to appreciate it, learn from it and hopefully put it into practice. As intimidated as I am by some things, I am increasingly more confident in others.  All of this is great but I still have a hard time grasping the 'older' thing.

When I was young, everyone above the age of 18 was old and parents and grandparents...ancient! I think about it now and realize that it's all about perspective.  I have started to forget about the age of others but rather, I focus on whether or not I can relate to someone.  Maybe it's not on every level, but I can usually find some common ground.

Last night, I went to American Eagle to do some Christmas shopping.  I happen to love the store.  Not everything in it, but I do have quite a bit of their clothing and have for many years. Some of the things are a bit young for me but many things I can still pass off as acceptable. ( If I'm wrong about this, puh-leeze let me know!)  I was in the guy's area looking at shirts for someone I don't see too often.  I'm trying to imagine what size he would wear.  With a girl, I have a reference point but with a guy....geez.......  The more difficult part becomes that I know how that some of their things run small, but others run big so I was trying to figure this simple shirt out.  I asked one of  workers if he could help me out.  No, I didn't pull the old lady move where you ask him to turn around and hold it up to his shoulders hoping to gather enough information to make a proper decision while telling him that the person you have in mind is a similar size. I simply asked, "Do you know how these shirts run?  I know some of your things run small but this looks ok in this size".
What do you think his response was?  Well, it didn't start with a direct answer.  I got, "Who are you buying for? Your son?"  Arrrrggghhhh!!!!!!  Really?  To a person that thinks they are passing for semi-hip, this was a full blown punch in the gut.  No amount of "Ma'am" could equal this.  I could barely muster a "No...."

I did some quick calculating this morning while I was rethinking this experience and it would be completely feasible for me to have a child in the 15-19 range.  The thing is, I don't.  I have a F I V E year old.

I really am a believer in the "you are as old as you feel" thing.  I see so many people my age that look and act like they are easily ten to fifteen years my senior.  I am active, open-minded and looking to have fun always.  That keeps me young in body and spirit. That in itself is why I took that simple comment to heart.  How couldn't that guy that I saw as 25 but was probably 18, see that?

The follow-up to that experience just re-enforced my getting older thingy.  I was in Target, on the hunt for Hamm from Toy Story.  I saw this stinkin' toy three months ago and didn't buy it but now, all of a sudden, Giada has it at the top of the list for Santa.  I sadly know the layout to most Target stores and I high-tailed it to the toy department.  After looking through the Barbie clothes ( does this girl EVER wear pants?), I found my way to the Toy Story section.

I was there, maybe a minute and some dude starts chatting me up.  Probably about my age.  I say that because I would normally say older but I clearly have no clue what I'm talking about. He asks if I'm done with my shopping for the season, comments on my interest in the different characters and then introduces himself.  Like we are now shopping partners and we will be there the rest of the night together shopping for our kids.  He has two.....WHY DO I KNOW THIS?! 

I got freaked out. I've been told that I over-think things too often.  I didn't know if he was hitting on me, stalking me or was just being nice.  It didn't matter.  I was not sticking around to find out.  I didn't find Hamm and I didn't need anything else in that section so I got the few things I needed on the other side of the store (with one eye over my shoulder, just in case he was a stalker ) and got the heck out of dodge.

Thankfully done with 95% of my shopping, I think hibernating until Christmas would be a good thing for me. 

Running

I am always on-the-go.  From the moment I wake to the moment I rest my head against my pillow, I don't stop.  I am a taxi driver, queller of tears, adventure maker, phone answerer, friend, card sender, list maker, errand runner, laundry do-er, dinner /lunch maker, dish cleaner, story reader........... and that doesn't include what I do for ME.  Next, add in things like going to birthday parties, play dates and meetings.... (kinda tired from writing that.....) 

I worry that I will run myself ragged but I haven't figured out how to do everything I want without eventually doing just that.  Until I figure it out, things like this will keep happening.:

I leave work yesterday and I get a call from my boss; "Did you leave that check for so&so?". "No, we didn't finalize that......".  " Are you far?  Can you do that? He's on his way."  "sure..."   So I backtrack and return to grab the check and tape it to the door and get back to the gym as fast as I can.  My gym time is on a strict schedule most days because I have to pick my daughter up before daycare closes so every second counts.  Somehow, I got in a great workout.  Every machine or weight was available when I wanted to use it and I even had no issues in the "dirty boy" section of the gym. (I will refer to this in future posts so let me explain...the 'dirty boy' area is the free-weight area of the gym where you are looked at like you have lobsters on your head if you dare use it and not have boy parts.  Frustrating because you feel like everyone is watching you, but equally as frustrating because many of the boys either don't know what they are doing or they are spending 15 minutes between sets farting around on their cellphone, therefore, you will never get to use the machine/ weight they are using)  I left the gym in a hurry to get to daycare on time.  Of course, it is the one night that Giada decides that she wants to do her homework at home, and I had already planned to go grocery shopping so I knew the night would be chock full already.  Throw in something else?  Why not?

When she's helpful, she's really helpful and I steered the cart around the store as she read and crossed off what we needed as we we went.  Smooth sailing with the exception of it taking twice as long as I'd planned but all in all, not a big deal.  We got to the register and Giada assisted with putting things in categories on the belt.  You know....veggies together, cold foods, boxed, cleaning supplies, etc.  As we were waiting for the person ahead of us to finish, I pulled out my bank card and made sure I had my keys easily accessible.  It was our turn and if you don't want to wait forever for the cashier to bag your items, you need to do it yourself.  I started bagging and saw that she was finished ringing pretty quickly.  Pretty impressive since I had to say  "they are po-blan-os" six times before she got it.  Just have to swipe my card and....ummmm....it's where?  I searched the pockets on my fleece, checked the waistband of my gym pants & looked on the floor as I said over and over, " I JUST had it".  Out comes the purse.  I stood there with the contents of my purse scattered all over, looking thru folded up pieces of paper, tossing lipgloss and gum in the pile with the cord for my phone, a few pens and my sunglasses.  I was panicked and embarrassed.  In my head, I was already cancelling the card.  I kept telling the cashier that it would be somewhere stupid.   As I was apologizing to the extremely patient lady behind me in line ( the one with 4 items) I pulled my phone out of my pocket and found that pretty green card snugly tucked against the screen , fitting perfectly between the edges of the case.  "I TOLD you!  I Told you it would be somewhere stupid!"

mirror

Do you ever wonder what it is that someone else sees when they look at you?

I never thought about it until I moved after college.  I worked with a girl and we didn't exactly hit it off at first.  Once we got to know each other and became friends, we talked about why we didn't get along.  Until then, I never thought about how I was perceived.  A while later, after I had met some of her other friends, she told me that most of her friends thought I was a bitch....but she knew it was just because they didn't know me yet.  Wow.....where do you go with that one?

I have often told people that it would be rather difficult for them to say something about me that I didn't already know.  I'm better than anyone at knowing my flaws and my weaknesses.  You can't hurt me with that.  It's truth and I work every minute of my life to improve on these things. None of us is perfect but I believe that working to better oneself is key.

After I had Giada, I saw a change in myself.  I softened.  In a time when I was freaked about how to care for a child and how others treated her, I became her biggest advocate.  That's what a mom does, right?  While I was working to make sure she had the best care and the most love, I was learning right along with her how to live.   I started looking at things through her eyes.  Started realizing that my bad day might be nothing in comparison to another person's.   Saw beauty where I never thought to look and started to let people in.....a little.

I am a private person.  Yes, I blog and photograph and like to be social but letting people in....to share the REAL stuff....that is tough.  Who can you trust? Will they tell others things you don't want shared? Will they hurt you? Will they judge you? Will the relationship be an equal exchange?  So difficult.

In the time since I realized my expanding view on the world, I have been enlightened by so much.  Old friends that prove to be better than you ever knew.  New friends that bring in sunlight just when you need it.  It has been, and continues to be, pretty effin' awesome if you let it....if you don't set that bar at unattainable heights.  Yes, there are still disappointments and they still hurt like hell but positivity is an amazingly powerful thing.

In all of this, I am learning about other people at the same time I am learning about myself.  I never knew how free others were with their words and lives.  How 'on the table' others can be.  It's scary to me but inspirational too. I get to learn about others much easier than I ever thought possible and I also get to hear what they think of me. (good and bad).  Is it that this change is apparent to others or is it that I am just more approachable? I am growing prouder and stronger by each encounter. I am getting better about being straightforward and saying what is on my mind even if it's not what the other wants to hear. Where I thought so little of myself, I now am finding that I should own my qualities for better or for worse.

I don't want this to change who I am. I want to learn from everything to be the best I can. &  I want to have more confidence and show my little girl that I can be (almost) as awesome as she is.