I'm a planner. I like to know ahead of time what is on my plate so I can make sure I get to all of it. I need to balance everything. I struggle with the planning though. My mind likes to know what is next. I prepare and organize things so the order of events works best in terms of time and logistics. When a wrench gets thrown into the plans, sometimes I freak a bit (.....well more than a bit but lets go with 'a bit').
I am trying so very hard to not be that way. To go with the flow a bit more. I know that some of my favorite days and memories were unplanned. I am learning that life isn't always about sticking to the plan. I try to make sure the musts get done and then the wants but where I want them in a specific order, I'm finding that the world won't end if I switch it up.
This weekend, for example. I had a pretty good idea of what my Saturday would bring. I was going to start the day by getting in a much needed, much desired workout. After, I would meet up with a friend. The friend part was the unknown. No plans or time just a general idea and a "hey let's meet up". I had spend the early morning doing the have-tos. Cleaning, laundry and packing my gym bag with a change of clothes so I could meet up right after the gym if I didn't have time to go home first. Out the door I went, just to be stopped by a text that they would be available early. After I processed that, I thought, ok...... I will just get ready now, meet up and hit the gym later. I could have just gone to the gym and pushed them off but I knew I would be rushed and in the end, it would be a terrible afternoon because I would have felt stressed and would have been resentful.
I got ready and was on my way when I realized that the gym may not happen. While I was bummed and frustrated, I wasn't angry with my friend. I stopped and regrouped. Yes, the gym is important. I hadn't been there in a few days and I mentally and physically needed to get there. You know how dogs get when they haven't played or gone for a walk? That was me.....four days worth of it and a race season just over the horizon. But I hadn't seen my friend in a long time. I didn't know when we would have time to meet up again. At that point, I was just flying by the seat of my pants.
I am so very grateful that my mind allowed me to process all of that in that fashion. I just decided that my friend was more important than the stress of no workout and I was free. Even if the day went to shit, I was ok with my choice. I was calm and relaxed. I got to soak in that precious time catching up and I was all in. No phone, no clock and fully engaged in our talks. Had I let the planner in me rule the day I would have missed out on so much goodness.
Sunday was more of the same. The plan was simpler but I thought I may squeeze in some extra things so it could quickly become a full day. I was dressed for the gym and grabbed the grocery list. As I hit the road, I quickly realized I would be changing my plans. Everything was coated in ice. The rain was freezing as it hit my windshield and a trip to work out could be disastrous. I flipped my schedule around. Groceries first, then much of the day doing food prep for the week as I hoped the temps would rise and the roads would clear. By the afternoon, I was able to get in my workout and realize that I still got everything done- just in a different order. My acceptance of this was what allowed the day to go well even against the plan.
So, I take all of this into consideration when sharing this story. I had just gotten to the grocery store and while the carts were under a canopy, they were still all wet and icy. There wasn't one that wasn't. As I went to get one, there was a boy I would guess to be 12 doing the same. I commented that there was no other option as we each grabbed one and went inside. I heard his mother berating him. Telling him that he never tries, just settles and that he should have tried harder for a dry cart. How was she expected to shop with a wet cart? His siblings stood there silently. The dad took the wet cart and exchanged it for a dry one that he had to have gotten from someone that had just left the store. As he returned, the mother pointed out to the boy that his father was able to get a cart so why couldn't he?
I wanted to cry. I wanted to hug that boy and yell at the mom. I was there. There were no options when we were outside and he did what he could. I bit my tongue. It wasn't my place. And I know you are thinking that maybe it was just a bad day for the mom or that I am making more of this than I should but watching all of it unfold from the outside, just witnessing this exchange, I know this was just standard operating procedure for this family.
I hurt for the mom because she was clearly stressed but I hurt for the boy and his siblings. I have been her. I may be her again. While this anger is her issue, not theirs, they still have to live with it. It affects their days. It changes their perspective on what is appropriate. As parents we want our children to have manners and treat others with respect but how can they if our example shows them something different?
I mess up. I yell. I get frustrated. But I recognize it and when I am wrong or my actions or words aren't justified, I can admit it. I can apologize. I hope that by doing that my child learns from that too. I hope I just missed that part today. I hope that the mom got home and took the time to say she was sorry. If anything good came out of that observation today, it's the reminder to me to appreciate every moment and to not let little things get in the way of the big picture.
