Valentine Adventure

Sigh....Valentine's Day.  It's one of the holidays where most people seem to be in full-tilt or completely against it.  In either case, most people still just somehow acknowledge the day and allow others to feel however it is that they feel.

Personally, I'm on the fence.  Yeah, I think that it's a commercialized money making holiday and a day that can make you feel like a POS if you don't have someone doting on you, but it is a reminder to slow down and think of others.  I don't think it has to be all about romantic love. I can just be a reason to reach out and be sweet.  I don't have any expectations and as always, I love giving more than receiving but this Valentine's Day was one to keep in my heart always.

I got up and made G a cup of tea and left some cranberry-orange bread and a chocolate-covered strawberry on the table.  Beside that was a new friend, now named Harriet. She's a stuffed owl with dangly striped legs that is exceptionally good at sitting at the edge of a table or on the sill of a window.

Once we got ready, we started our girly, heart day adventure.  Stop one was a glass making studio where we have blown our own Christmas ornaments before and found some wonderful gifts.  It is always a treat to wander and see the newest pieces but today G got to choose a necklace.  It is a simple chain with silver dragonfly pendant.  It has green glass heart-shaped wings.

Since we got going a bit later than we wanted to, it was already lunch time when we were done there so we decided to have lunch at our favorite Thai place before our next destination.  From our window seat, we got to look at the art on the building across the street and enjoy the bright daylight even though it was bitter cold on the other side of the glass.

The other day I was trying to think of something fun to do inside that both of us would enjoy. I don't know what made me think to bring her to the museum but it was hands down one of the best things ever.  I don't profess to know or understand all art but I do appreciate it.  Knowing that she had never been formally introduced to art, I wanted her to just take it in.  No preconceived idea and none of my opinions.

We wandered through with her just commenting at first and then starting to question.

"what is that supposed to be?"  to which I answered, "what do you see?"

That went on for a bit as she started not just seeing the raw materials but a 10,000 foot view, being able to find what she wanted to see.  At one point, at a piece I personally wasn't moved by, I asked her what she saw and she said, " Nothing".  Another installation of various neutral piece had her saying, " Is this just a bunch of white things?"  It had me laughing because so many adults WANT to say that but won't.

Another is a room with large gray glass panels that look like huge flat screen T.V.s.  The first time I saw it, I didn't get it but now I like it. I explained to her that not one other person will ever see the same thing ever again.  It's reflective so you pick up who or whatever else is in the room.  It's a room of flat, sterile glass but it has life because of what is going on around it.Something about that contrast draws me in.  I could sit there for hours.

Then we got to the metal sculptures. I see personalities in each one.  Plus the room they are in.....wow.  The light and windows, brick and flooring.......heaven.

 She started looking at them at angles different than someone two feet taller.  

We found faces.

And sea life

 and bouquets of flowers.

 

 

 

She loved the broken glass.  So blue-green and angular.

 Then this......one of my very faves.  So daunting and powerful but soft and curvaceous.  She was afraid if she walked around it, it may tip over but once she made her first trip, she kept looping it looking at the details and falling in love the way I did one day, and continue to even now.

Lastly, the rock she said was bigger than any rock she had ever seen. That's a bunch of hooey since we go hiking on rocks much larger, but inside, encased in the wall with a bench where we sat staring for quite some time, picking out all of the formations we saw just as one would looking at the clouds, I understood the magnitude of it.

There wasn't one moment where she asked to leave or said she was bored.  Instead, she asked when we could visit again and that made my heart so very happy.

Tables

When you think of a table so many things come to mind.  An accent table for a lamp or a place to drop your keys as you walk in the door.  A coffee table, which can be a collect-all for remotes and magazines or a clean surface for a displayed treasure or an end table with a candy dish holding a simple treat that will stick in someone's memory forever.

Having my own Little and my own life's battle scars I find myself recognizing and remembering how big some of the little things are.  Like the tables.  Each one serves a different purpose and to each of us, we hold varying attachments.  For me a candy dish on my parent's table is an homage to my grandmother, the neighborhood candy lady.  She had a large tupperware container filled to the brim with assorted candy by the front door for when the neighborhood kids stopped by.  Around her Living Room were many more vessels each holding a surprise under the lid.  Each visit I would peek underneath to see if it was a hard candy or chocolate and then ask if I could have one of the best I'd found that trip.

I think back to that house and remember the kitchen table with the big wall-mounted radio where I would find my grandfather with his coffee and cigarettes, newspaper and coffee no matter how early I woke up.  The Dining Room table where I ate way too many bologna and cheese sandwiches and stared at the hutch filled with perfume bottles dressed as Avon figurines.

Tables, and varying degrees of, are where we gather and make memories.  Dinner with family, coffee with a friend or a place to rest your glass when catching up with someone you haven't seen in too long.

A childhood friend shared a few years ago that she had always been envious of me as a child knowing I had pizza night on Saturdays.  We would drink root beer and eat pizza and while for me, that was just what we did, she didn't know that simple luxury.  As an adult with a family of her own, she has made it a point to eat dinner together when their schedules allow.  It's important- that time at the table.  Even in silence, celebration, or perhaps argument, you are sharing and learning about the ones you are surrounded by.

For a long time I made a point of sitting down to eat.  No television; maybe some music, food and the people that meant the most.  And then I allowed life to get in the way.  Schedules, work, meetings, errands.... they can invade your life if you aren't careful.  I found myself doing ten tasks while my daughter sat in the other room (at the table of course) eating alone.  Technically, I was talking with her and she wasn't alone but too many days of her asking me to stop and "sit with her" made an impression.

We have gone for a while without that table.  We started eating together more but in front of the TV as we rush to finish so we can get to bed or get homework done but this week we got back to the table.  Together.

I cook and make lunch for the next day as she sits closer to me now doing her homework.  When she is done, we eat together and talk. About anything.  Silly things, Sad things, worrisome things and most of all, REAL things.  She sometimes brings me to tears and sometimes has me in stitches but that table......it wouldn't be the same without it.

Adjust your sails

I'm a planner.  I like to know ahead of time what is on my plate so I can make sure I get to all of it.  I need to balance everything. I struggle with the planning though.  My mind likes to know what is next.  I prepare and organize things so the order of events works best in terms of time and logistics.  When a wrench gets thrown into the plans, sometimes I freak a bit  (.....well more than a bit but lets go with 'a bit').

I am trying so very hard to not be that way.  To go with the flow a bit more. I know that some of my favorite days and memories were unplanned.  I am learning that life isn't always about sticking to the plan.  I try to make sure the musts get done and then the wants but where I want them in a specific order, I'm finding that the world won't end if I switch it up.

This weekend, for example.  I had a pretty good idea of what my Saturday would bring.  I was going to start the day by getting in a much needed, much desired workout.  After, I would meet up with a friend.  The friend part was the unknown.  No plans or time just a general idea and a "hey let's meet up".  I had spend the early morning doing the have-tos.  Cleaning, laundry and packing my gym bag with a change of clothes so I could meet up right after the gym if I didn't have time to go home first.  Out the door I went, just to be stopped by a text that they would be available early.  After I processed that, I thought, ok...... I will just get ready now,  meet up and hit the gym later.   I could have just gone to the gym and pushed them off but I knew I would be rushed and in the end, it would be a terrible afternoon because I would have felt stressed and would have been resentful. 

I got ready and was on my way when I realized that the gym may not happen.  While I was bummed and frustrated, I wasn't angry with my friend.  I stopped and regrouped. Yes, the gym is important.  I hadn't been there in a few days and I mentally and physically needed to get there.  You know how dogs get when they haven't played or gone for a walk?  That was me.....four days worth of it and a race season just over the horizon.  But I hadn't seen my friend in a long time.  I didn't know when we would have time to meet up again.  At that point, I was just flying by the seat of my pants.

I am so very grateful that my mind allowed me to process all of that in that fashion.  I just decided that my friend was more important than the stress of no workout and I was free.  Even if the day went to shit, I was ok with my choice. I was calm and relaxed.  I got to soak in that precious time catching up and I was all in.  No phone, no clock and fully engaged in our talks.  Had I let the planner in me rule the day I would have missed out on so much goodness.

Sunday was more of the same.  The plan was simpler but I thought I may squeeze in some extra things so it could quickly become a full day.  I was dressed for the gym and grabbed the grocery list.  As I hit the road, I quickly realized I would be changing my plans.  Everything was coated in ice.  The rain was freezing as it hit my windshield and a trip to work out could be disastrous.  I flipped my schedule around.  Groceries first, then much of the day doing food prep for the week as I hoped the temps would rise and the roads would clear.   By the afternoon, I was able to get in my workout and realize that I still got everything done- just in a different order.  My acceptance of this was what allowed the day to go well even against the plan.

So, I take all of this into consideration when sharing this story.  I had just gotten to the grocery store and while the carts were under a canopy, they were still all wet and icy.  There wasn't one that wasn't.  As I went to get one, there was a boy I would guess to be 12 doing the same.  I commented that there was no other option as we each grabbed one and went inside.  I heard his mother berating him.  Telling him that he never tries, just settles and that he should have tried harder for a dry cart. How was she expected to shop with a wet cart? His siblings stood there silently.  The dad took the wet cart and exchanged it for a dry one that he had to have gotten from someone that had just left the store.  As he returned, the mother pointed out to the boy that his father was able to get a cart so why couldn't he?

I wanted to cry.  I wanted to hug that boy and yell at the mom.  I was there.  There were no options when we were outside and he did what he could. I bit my tongue. It wasn't my place. And I know you are thinking that maybe it was just a bad day for the mom or that I am making more of this than I should but watching all of it unfold from the outside,  just witnessing this exchange, I know this was just standard operating procedure for this family. 

I hurt for the mom because she was clearly stressed but I hurt for the boy and his siblings.  I have been her.  I may be her again.  While this anger is her issue, not theirs, they still have to live with it.  It affects their days.  It changes their perspective on what is appropriate.  As parents we want our children to have manners and treat others with respect but how can they if our example shows them something different?

I mess up.  I yell.  I get frustrated.  But I recognize it and when I am wrong or my actions or words aren't justified, I can admit it. I can apologize. I hope that by doing that my child learns from that too. I hope I just missed that part today.  I hope that the mom got home and took the time to say she was sorry.  If anything good came out of that observation today, it's the reminder to me to appreciate every moment and to not let little things get in the way of the big picture.